oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
