There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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