if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I bet he comes in French.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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