Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
