in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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