Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
