So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
