But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
