I saw his package. It spoke to me.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
