they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
