I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
