I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
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He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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