dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
