I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
