Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
