Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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