sarcasm needs its own font
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
