do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My life is pants optional.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
