So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize