hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
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I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
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There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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