I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
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I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
wow bdsm is so cute
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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