Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
