haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
