he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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