I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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