if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
