I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
