peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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