how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
