I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
