I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
