i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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