I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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