rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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