the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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