3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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