Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
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how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
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You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.