Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"

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  (646): A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!" http://tfl.nu/psh2
  Replies (10) Good night (1911) Bad night (802)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.

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  (781): they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories. http://tfl.nu/7ndb
  Replies (4) Good night (1253) Bad night (410)
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  (718): View more from New York

  so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood

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  (718): so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood http://tfl.nu/a9i9
  Replies (11) Good night (622) Bad night (1546)
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  (714): View more from California

  I need hand sanitizer and jesus.

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  (714): I need hand sanitizer and jesus. http://tfl.nu/r3xx
  Replies (15) Good night (1934) Bad night (2572)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona

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  (404): your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona http://tfl.nu/j0d8
  Replies (24) Good night (694) Bad night (3298)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense

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  (217): chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense http://tfl.nu/k4pe
  Replies (11) Good night (585) Bad night (2857)
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  (516): View more from New York

  She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"

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  (516): She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?" http://tfl.nu/g36q
  Replies (14) Good night (5862) Bad night (1023)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"

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  (918): My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?" http://tfl.nu/ksw8
  Replies (13) Good night (5106) Bad night (952)
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  (518): View more from New York

  As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.

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  (518): As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon. http://tfl.nu/t4x8
  Replies (14) Good night (5072) Bad night (1529)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.

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  (678): I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school. http://tfl.nu/ax1k
  Replies (14) Good night (3904) Bad night (852)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.

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  (+44): I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers. http://tfl.nu/28px
  Replies (4) Good night (1244) Bad night (433)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.

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  (407): Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me. http://tfl.nu/bdw0
  Replies (1) Good night (754) Bad night (382)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."

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  (503): I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes." http://tfl.nu/i7yc
  Replies (8) Good night (666) Bad night (1430)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.

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  (660): What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food. http://tfl.nu/k4pm
  Replies (10) Good night (1133) Bad night (424)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.

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  (765): Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it. http://tfl.nu/ilaz
  Replies (0) Good night (474) Bad night (181)

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