Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
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Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.