Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.