"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.