i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.