Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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