I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
