im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
