I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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