I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
