ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
