The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
