I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
