the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
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He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
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Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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