i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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