i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
