I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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