hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
