I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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