last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
