My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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