he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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