Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
