Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize