I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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