I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
