I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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