thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
