they need to just BURY HIM!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
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I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
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Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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