i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Less talking, more tequila
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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