Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
