I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
